ghost in the machine

ghost in the machine

I’ve been feeling the urge to be a bit more private with a lot of things lately. I’m not sure if this is due to free-floating stress, an onset of depression, the ravenous anxiety beast, or other factors in my life. I’m not going to deny they all play a part. Also, time has not been on my side recently, and it’s lead to my being a ghost in the machine — an occassional random comment on LJ or Facebook or Twitter, and that’s all.

But the life of a spectre in a world of digital bits is a quiet and lonely life, so I’m just checking to see if there’s folks out there. I’m not sure what I’m going to do about the privacy urge, because it’s probably better that I get out what’s in my head as opposed to keeping it all bottled in, but I’m not sure where.

And I’m not sure when.

All I know is that I’m trying to get off the anxiety train, a thing which is anxiety-provoking in and of itself. I have taken the first steps of trying to do this, and I have a good therapist. But that’s not enough — I need friends. But I’m not sure I’m capable of being a good friend in return right now, and that’s what worries me.

I will hang on — I do nothing better. But hanging on isn’t living, y’know?

One Reply to “ghost in the machine”

  1. Yup, around.

    When I get overwhelmed or depressed I become unwilling and unable to hang out with people. I’m pretty comfortable with my own company, which doesn’t help me reach out.

    I’m very busy lately and unlikely to be around much in the social media world until I’ve paid my unexpectedly large tax bill. But I do grok where you’re at and have been there. I expect I will be there again, too.

    You could always dump your thoughts into a paper or offline journal.

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